A Tribute to Wanda Santiago

I am truly blessed and very honored to have a sister-in-law like Wanda Santiago. I just read her latest blog and I think she is, without a doubt, one of the most selfless and beautiful people that I could possibly have in my life. I've only met her face-to-face once, and we may not be able to see each other for a long time, but the impression that she has made on me is nothing short of life chaning.
We all have troubles, we all have struggles, and God knows we've all had drama in our lives; but she puts hers out there in a way that I never could with my own. If I take anything from her writings, it is that I feel like I have become a more thankful person.
I am thankful for:
My life
My family
My children
My grandchildren
My husband
My friends
My home
My health
My dog
My job
and everything that is good in my life.
Thanks to Wanda, I am also thankful for the tears that I cry when I'm in pain, because it makes when I feel better so much greater. I'm thankful for my debts and my bills, because once I pay them, it makes me feel so accomplished. I'm thankful for the arguments that I have with my husband, because making up with him is twice as good. I'm thankful to know that even though my children may be going through some stuff of their own, that they trust me enough to come to me.
A long time ago, I watched the movie "It's a Wonderful Life." It really changed the way I feel about certain things. It made me look at something- good or bad- in a different light. You can find something and look at it one way and it could make you feel absolutely miserable. Or, you can look at it differently and appreciate your life even more.
Wanda Santiago, you are my wonderful life.
I just think of you and the appreciation I have for a woman of your strength is never-ending.
I hope that whatever pain and let-downs that you're feeling right now come to an end.
But until they do, please know that I am with you in spirit and that you have all my love every single day.

Long Time No Blog

I haven't blogged in a long time because I haven't felt the need to bitch and moan. Not that I feel this is only an outlet for me, but it is a place where I can say what I want, when I want, and how I want. This particular blog is going to be about family. Family is the most important thing to me. There was a time where I probably would have said "Fuck family!" but I was wrong. That's not to say that I'm not related to a bunch of ass holes- because I am- it's really more about the fact that we can always choose our own family. Just because you're related to someone by blood doesn't mean you have to love them or like them. After all, you didn't ask to be related to them. It was just the luck of the draw. Family to me is someone that is there for you, that understands you, that forgives you, and that knows who you are inside and out and still loves you. Sure, they can get pissed at you sometimes, and they may stop talking to you for a little while, but in the end, you know they're still there for you. A family member that cuts you off completely over something that is so meanial you don't even remember what happened is not worth calling family. But a friend who is true and faithful exceeds the title of friend and should be known as family.
There are some people in my life I thought had crossed over into that "family" zone, but they ended up letting me down which really kinda sucks because I was very family like right back to them. But like I said before, fuck them. There's family that really let me down because I was always family like towards them and they were just out for themselves, worrying about what looks good and what looks right in front of everyone. I have never been about that.
So to everyone out there that may stumble on my blog, choose your family, choose your friends, choose the friends you want to be family, and fuck everything else. You only have one life. Surround yourself with the people that are going to make you be the best person you can be for them and for yourself.
Thanks!

Is Anything Forever?

I say a resounding "YES!" There are things in this world that are and should be and definitely could be forever. Material things are not forever and they shouldn't be; you shouldn't feel they are either. Anything materialistic can and most likely will be replaced. Jobs don't last forever, cars don't last forever, money doesn't last forever- you know what I mean. In the society we live in now, marriage doesn't seem to last forever either. I'm not some crazy nut that thinks no one should get divorced. Sometimes you're better off ending what has turned into a toxic relationship. However, I find that most people these days just give into temptation too easily and give up. I hear the words "sex addiction" going around in the media quite a bit. I completely believe that this is an illness just like alcoholism or any other addiction. What I don't understand is why it takes either 17 or 18 different times of cheating on your significant other or carrying on another relationship for years before realizing, "Hey, I might be an addict." With every other kind of addict, we see the signs and we try to help. Why don't these sex addicts want help for their relationships too? Or is it just more fun to sneak around, cheat, and then say, "I'm an addict." Who knows? I am in a committed relationship with a man that I have known since I was 13-years-old. We have been married for 22 years this year. Before I married him, as a teenager, I got pregnant and married someone else and gained two beautiful children from that relationship. It ended very badly, however, I was able to raise my kids alone and eventually commit to a real relationship with someone who had been a life long friend. To my ex-husband, you are not a very nice person. You were physically abusive, mentally abusive, and eventually, you just abandoned your own children. To you, I want to say thank you. When I came out at the other side of that relationship, I was strong, independent, and had two great kids that I never had to share with someone who would have probably done more damage than good. I hope your life is everything you wanted it to be, because mine is. My husband and I do not live in total bliss, and we don't feel that life is just miracles and beauty. It's what we strive for, but it just doesn't happen that way- we're human. The difference with us is that when we got married, we made a committment to each other that goes way beyond husband and wife. There are many people in my life that I really do love but cannot share my time with because the relationship is too strained. When this happens, I remove myself from the relationship and I take what is called a "time-out". I went through many years not having a relationship with my own mother but I can now say with complete and total confidence that I always loved her. The same goes for my siblings that I do not have a relationship with right now. I have four kids that I love very much and we fight, and we may even stop speaking for a short time; but we always love each other. That's the same with my husband. When we fight and we say terrible things and we think we might actually just kill each other, we still love each other. When you argue with your child, they are forever your child. When you argue with your husband, does he have to be replaced? Your child wouldn't be replaced. Should your husband, or wife for that matter? Going back to what is forever, committment is forever. It may change, but when two people decide to enter a committment and have children, the committment they made to each other should be forever. It could definitely change, and they may have to become committed friends and co-parents, but the committment should still be there. Anyone that does otherwise, is an ass hole.

Some Days Are Too F-ing Quiet

I do admit that there are days that I can be pretty mean. I'm short-tempered, I'm nasty, and I just will not take anyone's bullshit. However, there is no question that if I love you, I will always love you. There are times that I really might not like you and you will know it, but I will always love you. Is there anyone who can explain to me how someone can share his life with a woman for many years, promise to love her forever, have children with her, build a home with her, and then treat her like she is a piece of garbage? I used to think that it was the power of the pussy that could make a man do things that he might have thought he would never do, but if this was true, then where is the power in the woman that he first loved? Is it gone? I don't know. You don't have to be in love with someone for the rest of your life. Sometimes things change; things happen. But you don't have to hate or be cruel to someone who you once professed to love forever. Here's a good idea- try being friends. It's good for both of you and it's good for the kids. When one is trying really hard to be the bigger person and someone else just beats them down, it gets tiring. Sometimes I want to scream. Sometimes I want to hit. But I always end up crying. I believe in karma so much; so much so that when I see someone being so cruel, I almost feel sorry for them because it's going to come back around. Many people think that might make me weak, but I can't help feeling sorry for someone whom I cared for so much just completely screw up their life. To this person, and you know who you are, I do not love you and I do not care for you and I guess I never did because as much as I tried to, you have always been a completely unloveable person. You should know that I do not hate you, mainly because I will not waste that kind of energy on you. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. Loving humanity is what I live for. Everyone is equal and everyone should love one another. That should include you. You are no longer human. You are an inhuman piece of shit. Please move on and don't drag anymore of my loved ones down with you. Just disappear and leave us in peace.

My Work Has Begun

Work in progress. This is what I have decided to call my blog, basically because that is what I am. That picture of me was taken when I was 5 months old. It's probably when my work in this thing called life began. I didn't do much back then except eat, sleep, shit, and cry; but regardless of what I did, I was being. At 47 years- young, I'm still working on me; not because I think I need it, but because I feel there's always room for improvement and I deserve to be the best me I can be, only better. Throughout life so far there have been a lot of ups and downs, a lot of good shit, a lot of bad shit, but I'm always...still...here. That may sound a little bit like I'm not happy, and maybe I wasn't once, but I've come to terms that I do have a choice. If life were a prison, then it's up to me to do my time in a good way, or to do my time in a bad way. I choose good. This is actually my second shot at having a blog. The first time I tried, I had this big dedication to my sister-in-law Wanda Santiago. I still think she's a wonderful woman. I look up to her everyday and I am amazed at the battles that she has fought and won. This is still true, but in my original blog, I realized I was not talking about myself, but about anyone else I could think of and I think it's time to make things about me. To Wanda, I love you. You are an inspiration and I feel that reading your blog and knowing you has only made me a better human being. Long and wonderful lives to you and yours. As I continue with my blogging, I will choose to "showcase" someone who has somehow touched my life or inspired me in some way shape or form. I will thank them and I will always love them, but I won't let my life revolve around them. I will simply accept them into my universe as a piece of a big, wonderful, "work in progress" canvas.